Love is often far more terrifying to receive for humans, than criticism or rage.

Often, we only accept the love we think we deserve.

A client raised a dynamic with me that she’s going through, and it also came up at a recent retreat I was at. It comes up a lot, for many.

When we enter these authentic states of expansion, there’s a lot of very natural objectless, subjectless love that arises.

Very genuine joy that bubbles from within and cannot be stopped.

We are lit, from the inside.

There’s a radiance we don’t own, couldn’t fake and can’t take away.

Others can assume this makes our lives easy. That we are some kind of beaming bliss-ball.

This is rarely true – but a very real lens we can be seen through all the same.

In my experience it is not the easy option to choose to be loving in a world that often equates love with one-dimensional weakness, bullshit falsity or plain saccharine foolishness.

Choosing to authentically shine can be the hardest decision we will ever make and maintain.

It takes an iron will and deep strength.

It requires a robust dedication to living what is true for us, despite the impact of that. It takes love that is so strong, it must be what it is.

Because light burns, as well as illuminates, no one is going to give us permission to be this free. To have the audacity, to love.

We give permission to ourselves.

Love, brings up everything in all of us that is not love, for release. And that can be confronting or even terrifying to be on the receiving end of.

It also brings up everything in us that cannot accept or receive love or does not feel worthy of love.

For example – if someone is loving us, but deep down we believe we are not worthy of love, we’ll hate their love. It’ll feel like vomit in our mouths. Completely uncomfortable. Foreign. Bullshit.

It’ll be read as either misguided and unintelligent (how could you possibly love me when I’m not loveable?), fake or insincere (you’re full of shit because I’m not loveable), foolish (you must be an idiot to love the unloveable) saccharine and immature (you’re only capable of love and light privileged pop spirituality – therefore I’ll deem you unlovable) or weak and un-nuanced (you’re bypassing the gritty parts of you because how could you love like this if you weren’t in some place of denial?).

All of this could be true, and it also might not be true. Depending on the being in front of us.

And even if any one facet of this is true, we can choose to love that too. It’s sacred process. And everyone’s process is to be honoured. We’re all rookies here.

After all, we can’t rip a caterpillar out of its cocoon early and get angry when it won’t turn into a butterfly. We stopped it’s process. And likely killed it. Every step in someone’s journey is sacred.

To shun light, simply for being light, is just as limited as shunning dark, simply for being dark.

Only when all of us is homed, is there wholeness in the system.

When we disavow any part of us – we are living in an internal duality that has to manifest “outside” of us.

Full spectrum living contains all.

Love is the fabric of existence – and love contains all.

Not a fluffy, giggly, saccharine love, but a deeply homed powerful love – able to move mountains and stand for armies if required.

We only shun darkness outside of us, when on some level we’re shunning darkness inside of us

Equally, we only shun light outside of us, when on some level we’re shunning light inside of us

We talk a lot in spirituality about the importance of owning our dark these days.

But many also struggle to own their light.

It’s no longer fashionable to love unapologetically, or to shine too brightly – give it a decade, it’ll come back around…but for now…

There’s deep fear in wholeness. Because we grow up with “right/wrong” paradigms from culture, wounded parents, teachers, etc.

And to live with allowing all – can feel like shaky ground to a system (psyche, physical, energetic body) that has learnt to scan for the “right” way to be. And needs to live within those imposed limitations in order to feel safe and accepted.

No matter which gaze it’s trying to gain acceptance by (tribe, friend group, parent, boss, culture, lover) or what end of the light spectrum that particular view favours.

People have such a fear of truly being all they are. Fear of seeming like “bliss ninny’s” as I heard it called when I lived in Ireland almost 20 years ago. Or not seeming intelligent enough if they shine.

Or fear of seeming not enlightened enough if they are in grief or rage or actually feeling.

It’s all the same dynamic – with a different coat on. Pushing away a part of ourselves, and the equal part in “other”

But what if we held a new paradigm? One where we loved ourselves enough to be able to be all that we are – and to receive another’s lived expression of love as deeply genuine?

One where instead of overcompensating for the extremes of traditional spirituality – which wanted to dwell in transcendence, love and light and bypass the body, mud and emotion –  by going to the opposite extreme of refusing to shine – we could see easily that any extreme, any bypassing, is destructive.

There’s a deep intelligence, in dwelling in both places.

The middle place is where wholeness, equanimity, potency, alive presence and deep freedom exists.

Where all is welcomed, all allowed.

Where we’ve dropped judgment and censoring of others – no matter what they are – because we’ve dropped it in ourselves.

Ironically, love is the intelligence required to do this.

A very important aspect of this is being able to deeply let go of how we are seen by others, which has been important for me on this journey.

Until we give everyone the freedom to see us however they see us – we are not free ourselves.

Fixating on the gap between who we know ourselves to be, and who we are seen as – imprisons us.

There’s a freedom then, in simply letting go. Knowing who we are, ourselves. Living it deeply and courageously, regardless of the impact.

Regardless of whether our natural expression is beaming, sepia toned, dark, light, grey…or neon.

To be wholly, honestly, fearlessly – us. It’s the work of lifetimes, and the only real job there will ever be.