I’ve had many conversations lately about how and why we choose to give. Or choose not to.

Most of us are good hearted people, doing our best to be of service to our families, communities, friends. But many are worn out and not sure when it is “ok” to say no or give to ourselves.

There are so many messages in the world about “selfless” giving.

How we serve, what we serve – who, when and why.

When is it “ok” to draw boundaries?

Where does the line between selflessness and selfishness blur?

As we’ve moved around these discussions I keep coming back to the same place – intention is everything.

If we are giving from a place of fear or need (“will they accept me, love me, keep me”) that energy imbues the act.

If we are carrying the “disease to please” or a martyr complex or myriad number of other imprints or patterns that can lead us to support people from a place of seeking (I want approval, I want validation, I want to earn my right to belong, I want to earn love, I want to be “good” or good enough) – basically “I want, I must, I should” – then our capacity to support authentically will be deeply limited. And we’ll be drained fast.

The person receiving will also feel the energy of fear or resentment or entitlement in the giving.

When I’m clear on my intention and give from a place of wanting to BE love, not get love – everything changes.

For the other, and myself. Because that intention also includes being loving to me.

We are each our own eco system – and every environment needs balance to thrive.

So we know to give deeply and unapologetically to ourselves when needed.

Then we give from overflow. And move in the world from overflow.

Then I’m very clear on my boundaries – my “no” is easy to find. And it’s the deep power and authenticity that lives inside my yes.

Discernment is key. As well as robust dedication to the truth of us.

Am I seeking or giving here?

Am I doing this to be love, or to be loved?

One letter makes all the difference and imbues our movements in the world with such clear open hearted no-strings-attached sober, yet full giving, that we all come away blessed.

When I’m giving from this powerful place of choice, my heart is open, love flows truly and freely – blessing both me (as it travels through my cells first before leaving my body) and the other.

From this place, it’s simply – me giving to me.

We become love moving, and what a joy it is to have that opportunity.